Fan Mail

Author: Ella Bean

Thursday, June 19th, 2008 @ 11:54 am

While taking some time out of my busy schedule to answer some fan mail, I realized that my legions of followers might benefit from my advice, seeing as how they look up to me and all.

So, I have decided to publish select letters along with my answers so you can all benefit from my Bean-tastic wisdom.

Dear Ella Bean,

I have a problem that I hope you can help with. I really like to eat and have put on some extra weight lately. At my most recent vet visit, the doctor even said I could stand to lose three or four pounds! How can I get my physique back without sacrificing my eating pleasures?

Poppy the Portly Pekingese

Dear Portly,

I really like to eat as well, but I don’t have a weight problem because I am famous. I am super sorry about how fat you have gotten, ’cause I weigh less in total then you need to lose! I suggest you get your butt to the dog park and start working off the weight. Oh, and stay away from carbs too. I eat completely grain free and I think thats the key to staying skinny. Also, make sure you really work at it ’cause a bitch has gotta keep the weight down to stay healthy.

Kisses,

Ella Bean

Dear Ella Bean,

I am in love with a Terrier that lives across the street from me. Every time I see him, my heart just wants to sing! Problem is, I don’t think he notices me. I really want to sniff his butt, but I can’t get his attention. What should I do?

Lonely Lhapso in Louisiana

Dear Lonely,

Thanks for your letter! I suggest you roll around in some smelly feastables before you see him next, really get the smell of the food in your fur. No man can resist a bitch smelling like fresh meat! Also, don’t be afraid to make the first move and bark at him! Also, don’t get shy when he wants to sniff your underside. Boys dig confidence!

Kisses,

Ella Bean

One final thought, I just want to say how much I appreciate my fans! Keep your letters coming!

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