I repeat. Do Not Trust Humans. Two legs bad - four legs good!

I am warning my fellow canines - the humans do bad things. I am writing through my pain to make sure that no other dog should ever befall the type of mishap I have endured. Let me start from the beginning. My humans had been talking about someone named “Spay” for the past couple weeks and my mom always looked really upset when the subject would come up.

Not knowing who Spay was, I figured she or he was probably another human or dare I say it, a filthy cat, based on the negative reaction my mom had to him or her. I still haven’t figured out who this “Spay” is, but on Friday morning, my mom woke up really early. It was still dark out! Then she fed me a suitable breakfast of pheasant and tripe. I figured could get used to this - Louis didn’t try and eat my breakfast since he was still asleep. Then, my dad got up and we went into the thing with wheels that takes us to Grandma’s house and the park. Without Louis!! Finally, some respect!

Except, we didn’t end up at Grandma’s house. We were at a place I haven’t been before with tons of strangers. At first it was fine, since they were all admiring my royal tiny self, but then my mom and dad left me there! What in the bones is going on? I was thinking. Me, in a cage? I don’t think so.

The next thing I knew my beautiful right forearm was being shaved and I was falling asleep against my will. When I woke up, I was alone in a cage and there was intense pain in my tummy and mouth. I checked out my tummy and found that the once pink expanse of unblemished skin and fur that made up my lovely belly was now mangled beyond recognition. I was also dazed and could barely keep my eyes open. Blasted humans! I thought, What have they done to me?

I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of my metal den. My face was discolored. I opened my mouth. My amazing second row of sharky teeth had been stolen! I knew they were valuable, since my mom and dad were always poking at them and my mom even managed to steal a few that had come loose. I never expected that they would all be stolen, though.

Out of no where, my mom and dad showed up. They were extremely sensitive and loving but they showed no rage at the humans who drugged me to steal my teeth and something from inside my tummy. Why wasn’t my daddy pummeling them? I didn’t understand. Another ride in the wheeled thing and I was back home. I didn’t feel so good, having had my innards and teeth stolen and all, but at least I was home. Louis was there and we all snuggled up in the big bed.

I am feeling better and the pain is starting to subside, but I am still upset. When I smile, I have one lame row of teeth, just like all the other boring dogs. And my tummy is not pretty, its still mangled. And my shaven foreleg..what the bones is that about? I am planning on staying fully clothed and indoors so that no one can see me in this condition. Oh, and I still don’t know who Spay is.

I hope your humans never leave you with the drugging teeth and gut stealing evil-doers.

Kisses,

Ella Bean

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